Ronmeo and Kimiet
by Nintendo Maximus
Summary: In a Disney twist on one of Shakespeare's romantic tragedies, Ron falls for Kim, but a relationship between them isn't exactly easy when their families are enemies.
1. Act 1

_**Note From the Editor/Author:** Due to the original version of this fanfic being removed for this website due to having been written in script format, I have taken the liberty of rewriting the entire story in story format. Personally, I think this fanfic works better in its original format, but please try to enjoy anyway!_

_**Ron-meo & Kim-iet**_

**By Nintendo Maximus**

**Disclaimer:** Disney owns everybody featured in this fanfic. And the story of Romeo and Juliet is a trademark of William Shakespeare.

**Author's Note:** No, I haven't halted production on _Dr. Wily's Supreme Takeover_ and _King Koopa Katastrophe Spoof 2_; I'm just taking a break from it to work on my other fanfics! Now, I happen to be reading "Romeo and Juliet" in English, and since I've got the story, I'm doing a Disney parody of it! And I've picked Kim and Ron from "Kim Possible" to play the title roles. Some people may like this, some may not, but who cares? I'm a K/R supporter and I wanted to write this. Also, this is in the Disney section and not the Kim Possible section because this parody's featuring characters from multiple Disney series, and not just Kim Possible. And I've abridged the original story a lot so that this would stay inside the limit.

* * *

**Darkwing's Introduction**

"I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the plot twist in the third act! I... am _Darkwiiiiing Duck!_ And I am totally aggravated right now. You see, I've been chosen to introduce you to a little fanfic titled _Ron-meo and Kim-iet_. Basically, it's about these two lovebirds whose families happen to be feuding for a reason that is never explained in the whole story. My guess is that two members of both families got into a fight over the last French fry at Hamburger Hippo. No wait, that's Launchpad's theory. But anyway, this family feud was all in all very stupid as it caused the death of their own kids. The kids whose names happen to be this story's title. What makes me aggravated right now is that I didn't get a part in the story, and the least they could do was let me introduce it. Anyway, here's the tragic story of Ron and Kim! I mean, Ron-meo and Kim-iet! D'oh, you get the picture."

* * *

It was early morning in Middleton. Unfortunately, it was no peaceful time there, because of a feud between the powerful Stoppables and Possibles. Two members of the latter family, Jim and Tim Possible, entered a public square, dressed for battle, and striking up the following conversation.

"Jim, on my word, we shall not put up with insults."

"No, for then we'd be coal vendors."

"I mean, if we're angry, we'll draw our swords."

"Yeah. And while you live, draw your neck out of the hangman's noose."

"I shall strike vigorously, being roused an' all."

"But you're not quickly moved to strike."

"Yeah? Well, a dog of the house of Stoppable is sure to move me!" Tim swung his equipment around. "I'll take on a whole _wall_ of Stoppables! I'll take on anything those guys can throw at me! And..."

Just then, Owl and Gopher appeared from out of nowhere, playing guitars and singing.

"You've got no chance to stand and fight,  
You'd better stay in bed.  
They'll trounce you left,  
They'll trounce you right,  
And tap-dance on your head!"

Jim and Tim stared at the two singers. "Who asked you?" asked Tim.

"Y'know," said Jim, as the singing animals made their exit, "the weakest are pushed to the rear."

"Very true. And women, being the weaker vessels, are ever assaulted. Therefore, I'll push Stoppable's men from the wall and thrust his maids to it." Tim bragged.

"This quarrel's between our masters and men." Jim pointed out.

"It's all the same. Once I've finished off the men, I'll be civil with the women - I'll cut off their heads!"

"Well, let's see how good you are, 'cause here come two Stoppables now!" Jim pointed in the direction of the two Stoppable servants nearby - Donald Duck and Goofy.

"My nude weapon's out," said Tim. "I shall back you."

"What? You're gonna chicken out?"

"Fear me not."

"No, by the Virgin Mary. I fear them!"

"Let's take the laws of our sides; let 'em begin the fight. That way, we can claim to have fought in self-defense. "

"I'll frown as they pass by and let 'em take it as they please."

"Let me in on it. I'll bite my thumb at them."

Donald had heard Tim's last comment. "Are you biting your thumb at us?" he asked.

"Uh, yes," answered Tim. "But uh, not at you. Do you quarrel?"

"Nope." Donald crossed his arms.

"Well, if you do, I accept your challenge! I serve as good a man as you."

"No better?"

"Well..." At that point, Tim noticing Lord Stoppable's so-called nephew, Roger Stoppable (played by Roger Rabbit), close behind the servants.

"Say 'better'," directed Jim. "Another enemy's coming up."

"Yeah, butthead!" Tim insulted Donald. "Better!"

"WHAT!" Donald jumped and threw his fists out. "Nobody calls _me_ a butthead!"

And so they began to fight. Then Roger got in on it and beat down their swords "Stop, stop, stop!" he ordered. "P-p-p-p-pleeeease! Put up your swords! This ain't the right thing to do."

The next person to join the fray was Lord Possible's self-claimed nephew, Megavolt Stoppable. "What kinda wimp are you, Roger?" he teased. "You must be a real one if you're gonna get involved in the servants' fray! Fight _me!_ I'm of your own rank. Or are you afraid?"

"You don't scare me, Sparky!" said Roger defiantly.

"DURRRRR!" Megavolt growled. "I hate being called 'Sparky', as I hate all Stoppables! Have at you!"

A bitter struggle of guns and electricity bolts followed between the two of them. Soon, men from both families came in to join the brawl. Nearby citizens chomped on their popcorn as they cheered the sides they were rooting for. Then the big cheese of the Possibles, Lord (James Timothy) Possible, entered, accompanied by his wife, Lady Possible.

"Dear, fetch me my gun!" Lord Possible commanded.

"Why?" Lady Possible asked.

"I got good reason. Stoppable's here." Lord Possible muttered.

Then the main man, or rather mouse, of the Stoppables entered - Lord Mick Stoppable (played by Mickey Mouse). The lady of the House of Stoppable, Min Stoppable (played by Minnie Mouse), tried to hold back her 'husband'.

"All right, Possible, you're going down!" Mick swung his own weapon.

"No no, Mickey!" Min reprimanded. "Don't sink to violence!"

The in-the-street fight was still going on when a certain trio in charge of Middleton's laws jumped between the two sides, spouting out their catch-phrases while they were at it.

"_Buh-za!_"

"_Chi-ka!_"

"_Wuh-pa!_"

"It's Teamo Supremo!" Mick noticed them by name. "The pint-sized sheriffs of this town!"

"That's right, Mr. Stoppable," said Captain Crandall, "but I believe everyone knows who we are."

"Well, maybe not everyone," Rope Girl meta-referenced.

Captain Crandall rolled his eyes. "We don't like it that you're disturbing the peace with this feud."

"_Si!_ Someone could get hurt," added Skate Lad.

"Or even bruised!" Rope Girl contributed.

"If we catch any of you disturbing the peace in Middleton again," Captain Crandall reprimanded, "we'll take you away to be executed. That's all."

So that was that with the fight. After Teamo Supremo had left and all the Possibles had gone home, Roger began talking with his so-called aunt and uncle.

"Who started this fight anyway?" Mick asked. "Was it you?"

"Nope," answered Roger. "See, two of your servants and theirs were fighting, and I just came in to stop them. Then the electric Megavolt came in and picked a fight with me and... well, that's when it really got ugly." He whimpered on that last sentence.

"Oh, I'm so glad our Ron wasn't in this fray." Min, being the bimbo she was, almost fainted as she referred to her and Mick's son (or at least that's what he was for the purposes of this fanfic).

"Well, I noticed earlier that he was moping and sobbing like crazy." Roger noted.

"Why?" asked Mick.

"I have no idea." Roger struck a determined pose. "But I, Roger Rabbit - I mean, Roger _Stoppable_, shall find out what's got my so-called cousin so down!"

Mick chuckled. "Huh-ha, good luck, Roger!"

And so Roger went off to find his so-called cousin. Ron Stoppable was staring sadly into the pond like as if it were a blank space when Roger walked up to him and said, "Good morning, cousin!"

Ron looked up. "Is it really _that _early?"

"But it only just struck nine o'clock!" Roger pointed to his Mickey Mouse watch. "See?"

"Oh man," Ron moped, "sad hours seem long."

"What's bugging you, cuz?" Roger asked. "What sadness is lengthening your hours?"

"Aw man, Roger. I guess I just don't understaaaaaaaaand the ladies." Ron put extreme stress on his vowel.

"Come again?" Roger didn't understand that statement.

"It's that Asian girl, Yuri." Ron made it clear.

"Y'mean that girl from the ninja school?" Roger looked at the "Kim Possible" episode guide.

"I'm so infatuated with her beauty, but she wants nothing to do with me," Ron lamented. "Cupid was probably wearing a blindfold when he hit me with his arrow."

"Ron, what you gotta do is push Yuri out of your life," urged Roger. "She's not the most beautiful girl in Disneyland, y'know! There're probably other girls out there who are just screaming, 'Kiss me, Ron Stoppable!'"

_This coming from a rabbit who was accused of killing a guy he found out was playing patty-cake with his wife,_ Ron thought.

0-0-0

Later that afternoon, near his house, Lord Possible was having a chat with Gaston, who happened to be in cahoots with the law-keeping Teamo Supremo. Gaston was with his trusty servant, LeFou.

"I don't trust that rodent Stoppable one bit, but since Teamo Supremo told us to, I have promised to keep the peace," Lord Possible said. "It shouldn't be hard, 'cause we are both old men.

Well, you're both respectable men," said Gaston, "but it's too bad you have both hated each other so long. But anyway, sir, what do you think of my proposal? I seek the hand of your daughter, Kimberly. No one makes great choices for wives like Gaston!"

"Could you bare in mind that she's only 16?" Lord Possible reminded.

"Hey, happy mothers are made from women younger than that. Or at least that's what I've read..." Gaston put his hand to his chin.

"Well, I suppose that first, Kim should get an opinion on you," said Lord Possible. "Of course, judging from how noble you are, I can probably predict what she'll think."

"Heh heh," Gaston chuckled, "me too."

"But Gaston," LeFou said aside to his boss, "you already tried to marry Belle, and you failed miserably."

"Shut up, LeFou! No one needs to know that, not even Gaston!"

As Gaston was silencing his page, Lord Possible called his servant, who happened to be Crumford Lorak, and handed him a list of a multitude of Middleton's citizens. "Crumford, I want you to go find the people on this list. I'm having a feast tonight, and it's important that these people be invited. Now go! So, Mr. Gaston, as I was saying..."

Lord Possible, Gaston, and LeFou exited, leaving Crumford to go on with his task. But there was a big problem for poor Crumford. He was illiterate. "D'oh man," he groaned, "why'd he have to pick _me_ to deliver invitations? He should have known darn well I can't read! HEY! CAN ANYONE READ ME THIS LIST?" As if on cue, Ron and Roger came in, still talking about Ron's futile search for love. Crumford politely interrupted their conversation. "'Scuse me, gentlemen, but could any of you read this to me?"

"What are you, a mama's boy?" asked Ron.

"Yes-- I mean, no! I just can't read, that's all."

Ron took the guest list and read it. "Hmm. That's a fair assembly. I like the inclusion of Scrooge McDuck and his Staff particularly. Where is this feast?"

"At the house I work for," Crumford answered.

"Whose?" Ron asked.

"My master's house. My master's the great Dr. Possible!" Crumford declared. "Eh, the male one, that is. And anyone that is not of the House of Stoppable is allowed to come crush a cup of wine. See you later, and thanks for reading the list." With that, he left to go find the people on that guest list.

"Hey Ron, that Yuri girl you like so much is on that guest list!" Roger noted. "We should go!"

"What's the point?" Ron threw up his arms. "She doesn't like me!"

"I know how to _make_ her like you!" winked Roger. "Make her jealous by pouring the affection on the other girls!"

"Really?" Ron made a thinking pose. "Who should I pour it on? Mira Nova? Ingrid Third? Eliza Maza?"

"Hmmm, poor choice for you..." Roger sweatdropped.

0-0-0

Later that evening, as the Possibles were planning for their feast, Lady Possible was talking with her daughter, Kimberly Ann Possible. "Kim, it's come that time for you to go look for a gown that is silky white."

"But I'm only 16," Kim griped. "I shouldn't be getting married right now. Why should you be discussing this with me now?"

"Look Kim, there are ladies younger than you who are already producing their offspring."

"Mom, that was a ritual in the 13th Century," Kim pointed backwards. "This is a new millennium. _So_ not the drama."

"Well it doesn't matter anyway. The valiant Gaston is seeking you for his love.

Kim's nurse, Witch Hazel, spoke up. "Gaston? From what I've heard, he's a man of wax."

"Yes, I've read those ratings in the teen magazines too," added Lady Possible. "Anyway, Kim, we're having a feast, and you shall meet Mr. Gaston tonight."

"Why should we be having a feast right now?" Kim nitpicked. "Our family's feuding with another family for some pointless reason!"

"It's only a family feud. It's not like we're at war with an evil country." Lady Possible compared. "Anyway, you're going to meet this book of love tonight at the feast. Can you like of Gaston's love?"

"I'll try." Kim then muttered to herself, "But I probably won't."

0-0-0

The sun was beginning to set on Middleton as the Possibles' feast went underway. On the street near that house, Ron, Roger, and their friend Launchpad McQuack, who happened to be part of Scrooge McDuck's staff, were on their way to crash that feast. Because Ron and Roger were Stoppables, they had to wear masks.

"So why exactly are you guys going to your own enemy's party?" asked Launchpad.

"Lemmie explain, Launchpad," Roger clarified. "This girl that Ron is pining for happens to be a guest here, and I figure that if he dotes on one of the other girls at this party, he can make her jealous!"

"It won't be _that_ easy, Roger." Ron continued his moping. "I shall not dance tonight."

"Aw c'mon, Ron," Launchpad begged. "I've always wanted to see your moves."

"No way. You've got dancing shoes with nimble soles," Ron declined. "I have a soul of lead that stakes me to the ground so much I can't move."

"I know what to do! I'll cheer you up with a story!" Launchpad smiled. "It's a real funny story. See, I work as a pilot, but you know that. Well, I know this screwy duck named Darkwing Duck and his adopted daughter in St. Canard. One night, I was helping D.W. on the night patrol of the city, but there didn't seem to be any crime going on. Or at least, that's what D.W. was sure of. I noticed an oil tanker just sinking into the water underneath Audubon Bay where we hide out. I tried to tell D.W. what I saw, but he didn't believe me. So we went home to sleep. Then I saw on the news the next morning that buildings were disappearing under the ground. So now D.W. was sure that somethin' crazy was goin' on. So we hightailed it underground and found that this caper turned out to be the work of a mole named Professor Moliarty. Moliarty imprisoned us, but we were rescued by Darkwing's adopted daughter, Gosalyn, and her friend Honker Muddlefoot. Then we were chased around by two giant slugs, and Honker stopped 'em with some salt he happened to have. And then we set off to destroy Moliarty's sun-blocking machine. But things weren't over yet. We then..."

"Will you please shut up, Launchpad?" Ron interrupted. "Nothing fills the void in my heart."

"He's got a point, L.P." Roger added. "You go on with the story, and we'll miss the feast!"

"Sorry 'bout that, buddies," apologized Launchpad.

Ron suddenly had a strange look on his face. "Hmmmmmmmm..."

"Somethin' wrong, Ronny?" said Launchpad.

"I feel a disturbance in the force," said Ron.

"Uh, are you by any chance related to Yoda?" Launchpad asked.

"The stars tell me that something going on tonight will eventually lead to my untimely demise," explained Ron. "I don't know what, but whatever it is, it's going to cause my death."

"Geez, that sounds awful," said Launchpad, stating the obvious.

0-0-0

Inside a hall in the Possible household, two serving men were putting the finishing touches on the feast.

"Ahhh, I love a feast," Mr. Jolly purred. "It's times like this that I wish we weren't involved in a family feud."

"Aaaah, what do you know?" bickered Pretty Boy. "You're just a cat. I say that we blast the Stoppables to death!"

"Pretty Boy, that is not a very nice thing to say in the preparation for such a formal event." Mr. Jolly reprimanded.

Two members of the Possible house, Scott Leadready II (alias Spot Helperman) and Leonard Helperman, walked in. "Is everything ready?" asked Leonard.

"Psssh," Pretty Boy spat. "Yeah, everything's ready."

"Good. Now let's get this party underwaa-haaay!" declared Scott.

Leonard, Pretty Boy, and Mr. Jolly retired to their respective quarters, but Scott stayed behind to meet the guests. Lord Possible entered, along with Lady Possible, Kim, Megavolt, Hazel, and other Possibles. The 'Maskers', who were made up of Ron, Roger, and Launchpad, entered with all the other guests.

Lord Possible took a microphone. "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Well, it's real good seeing you all here. The food will be out soon, so now here's some music that makes you want to dance. Scott, the music, please."

Scott turned on some dancing music, and everyone in the room grabbed a partner to dance with. Well, almost everyone.

"Aren't you gonna dance, Ron?" asked Launchpad.

"I've already told you, L.P., I'm not..." It was at that point in his sentence that Ron suddenly noticed the auburn-haired, 16-year-old Kim Possible. Big pink hearts flashed from Ron's eyes as Roger held a cuckoo clock over his head. ...sad anymore." He finished his statement.

"Oh, that's a good thing." Launchpad smiled again.

"A good thing? That's a short way of putting it, Launchpad! It's more like a GLORIOUS THING!" Ron put up his arms victoriously. "I'M IN LOVE, GUYS!"

"Y'see, Ronny?" Roger bragged. "I toldja Yuri wasn't the most beautiful cheerleader in Disneyland."

Ron walked about and eventually went to ask Scott about the beauty he had just made note of. "Excuse me, Mr. ...Blue Dogface, but what's the name of that girl with the auburn hair over there?"

"That's a nice rhyme, sir," Scott commented, "but alas, I know not."

"Oh, she's got my torches of love burning bright, for it seems she hangs upon the cheek of night," said Ron. "Did I have any love until now? Deny it, sight! For I never saw true beauty till this night."

"I tell ya, you're good at this rhyming thing. You should be a poet!" Scott commented again.

But meanwhile, on the other side of the room, Megavolt overheard Ron's conversation with Scott. "Hmmmmmmm... I know that voice. It's the voice of a Stoppable! He may have come to crash this party, but I'm gonna crash _his _butt - and CHARGE it!"

Megavolt was about to fire one of his powerful electric bolts when Lord Possible stopped him. "Megavolt! Why are you storming right now?"

"Uncle, a Stoppable has crashed our fair feast." Megavolt whined. "And it's the big mouse's boy, Ronald!"

"Ron Stoppable?"

"The same. Shall I take care of him? And by that I mean dismember him!"

"Look, Megs. We may be at war with the Stoppables now," Lord Possible compromised, "but I can't let you attack right now."

"WHY NOT?" Megavolt complained. "He might ruin our feast."

"Well, we can't be killing anyone, even our enemies, in the middle of our feast. Remember, Captain Crandall said if he caught us disrupting peace again, he'd have our heads. Besides, that Stoppable kid doesn't look he's causing any trouble right now. Just enjoy yourself, Elmo!" Lord Possible said, addressing Megavolt by his real name.

"Aw, man! I hate being a good guy." Megavolt stormed out of the room, trembling with anger. "Soon, Ronald Stoppable, soon..."

While Megavolt had been talking with his so-called uncle, Ron walked over to Kim and took her hand. Kim had gotten totally fed up with Gaston's conceit and was just walking away from him when she ran into Ron.

"Sorry if I'm disturbing you, babe." Ron got suave all of a suddenly. "Your hand's like a holy shrine."

"Um, you don't have to be so dramatic," said Kim. "I mean, I'm not. But thank you anyway."

"Oh..." Suddenly, without warning, he kissed her on the lips.

"My god," said Kim once he had let her go, "that was an amazing smack."

"Well I can do it again if you want!" Ron did so.

"You kiss by the book, sir." Kim smiled sweetly.

Just then, Hazel walked up to Kim. "Kim! Your mother wishes to speak with you."

"Right." Kim went to go talk with her mother.

"What is that heavenly girl's name," Ron inquired, "and who _is_ her mother?"

"Well, if you simply must know," Hazel answered, "her name is Kimberly Ann, and her mother happens to be the wife of the great Dr. Possible."

"What! She's a Possible? Oh man!" Ron shuddered. "My life now belongs to my enemy."

"Out of curiosity, who are you?" Hazel asked.

"My name is Ronald Stoppable," the boy introduced himself, "and being that, that's why it's a problem being in love with that wonderful girl you're nursing."

"Hey cuz, we'd better get going!" Roger interrupted. "You don't wanna let anyone know us Stoppables have made our appearance here."

"Right. I fear unrest," said Ron as Roger grabbed his arm.

Lord Possible spoke up as they were leaving. "No no, gentlemen, you don't have to leave just yet. We have a trifling banquet in preparation."

"No, we _insist_ on leaving the feast!" Roger asserted.

"Oh, you _insist_ on leaving?" Lord Possible repeated. "All right, get out, scat! And good night, and thanks for coming."

As they started to leave, Kim returned to speak with Hazel. She disguised her new interest in Ron by asking about some of the other men first. "So... nurse, what's the sitch with the man with the purple thing on his head?"

"That's Buzz Lightyear," Hazel answered. "He's from Star Command, and he leads his own team of Space Rangers."

"And the grey stoneface?"

"He calls himself Goliath. He leads the Gargoyles."

"The duck with the hockey mask?"

"Wildwing of the Mighty Ducks."

"How about that blonde boy you saw me talking with? What's his name?" Kim got around to asking. "If he's already married, expect me to be in the graveyard before my own wedding."

"His name is Ronald Stoppable," Hazel answered. "He's the seemingly illegitimate son of Mick Stoppable."

"What? My new boyfriend is the son of our enemy?" Kim was almost appalled. "I didn't know that earlier and I've found out too late. It's unnatural and ominous to me that I'm in love with my own enemy."

"What does that mean?" Hazel asked.

"It's an out-of-character rhyme I just made," Kim explained.

"Hmmmmmmmm..." Hazel said to herself. "I've a feeling this could get ugly..."


	2. Act 2

**Darkwing's Introduction**

"Well, I'm glad to see the story's doing well, despite my not appearing in it... Well, when we last left off, Ron Stoppable's desire for Yuri the cheerleader had become old hat, for she was nothing compared to the fair Kimberly Ann Possible. So now Ron's found someone who loves him back. Unfortunately, she's part of his family's enemy, and therefore he's not allowed to court her. And it's even harder on Kim's behalf. But their love gives them the power to see each other, and time will provide a method, so their pains will be rewarded with bliss. Or so it may seem. So anyway, here's Act Two of _Ron-meo and Kim-iet_!"

* * *

As he and his pals were leaving the Possibles' feast, Ron separated from Roger and Launchpad. He walked up to the wall that surrounded the Possibles' orchard, and said to himself, "I don't care if Kim's a Possible; I gotta see her again!" Since he wanted to be near Kim in complete privacy, what with them being enemies and all, Ron climbed over the wall and into the orchard just as Roger and Launchpad came looking for him.

"Hey! Ron!" Roger called out. "Come out, come out wherever you are!"

"Forget it, Roger," urged Launchpad. "He's probably already gone to bed."

"He couldn't have. I'm sure I saw him jump over this wall! P-p-p-p-pleeeease!" Roger pleaded. "Why don't we call for him?"

"Nope, I'll just use the magic words." Launchpad proceeded to mock Ron's lovesickness. "Ron! Emotions! Crazy man! Passion! Lover! Just sigh once. Say one silly love poem, and I'll be happy. Quote some of those verses that rhyme with 'love' and 'dove'. Speak to my friend Venus a nickname for her slightly blind son. His shots are perfect, like when King Cophetua fell in love with a beggar!"

No response.

"Aw, that didn't work. Ron must be playing dead. I know, I'll bring him back with magic charms like Yuri's eyes, forehead, lips, her long legs, and trembling thighs and womanly body." Launchpad launched into a poor imitation of Yuri's voice. "Ron! Come here, you gorgeous hunk of... uh... muscles?"

"LP," Roger tried to shush, "Ron's gonna be ticked off if he hears you."

"That won't make 'im mad," Launchpad assured. "Insulting Yuri will. I'm only tryin' to get him to show himself."

"P-p-p-p-please, LP, let's just go home," pleaded Roger. "Cousin Ron doesn't want to be found."

"Oh, fine." Launchpad kicked dirt.

On the other side of the wall, lone Ron watched as they headed back for the House of Stoppable and commented on the pilot's joking. His pet naked mole rat, Rufus, came out of his pocket and mumbled in his animal language.

"Yes, Rufus," Ron responded. "He's jesting at scars that never felt a wound."

At that point, Kim entered at a window above and stood on a balcony overlooking the garden. She didn't know that Ron was nearby.

But Ron knew she was nearby. "But wait! What light through yonder window breaks? It's the East, and KP is the sun!" said he. "Whoo! Did I say that?"

Rufus looked at him with puzzlement.

"I know she's of the enemy, Rufus," said Ron. "But she's the girl I'm destined for. I wonder what she's thinking..."

As if on cue, Kim expressed her emotions out loud to no one in particular, even though she wasn't usually keen on drama. "Oh Ron, why must you be a Stoppable? You should refuse to have that name, or if not, I'll disown myself. Your name is my enemy. You'd be the same person even if you had another name. What does Stoppable mean? It's not an arm or leg or any part of a person's body. Pick some other name! A rose would still smell sweet if it were called something else. If you would be called something else, I would still love you. Get rid of your name, and take me instead!"

"Aw, that's beautiful." Ron said aside. Rufus let out a disgusting noise as Ron came out of hiding and spoke to his new beloved. "Um... hey there, KP. I'll do whatever you say. Don't call me anything but your love, and I'll be baptized with that name. From now on, I'm not Ronald Stoppable."

Kim didn't see him. "Who are you to sneak in here at night and listen to my private thoughts?"

"I can't tell you my real name," said Ron. "I hate my name 'cause it makes us enemies."

"Let me guess. Aren't you Ron Stoppable?" Kim presumed.

"I won't be him if you hate that name."

"How'd you come here, and why?" Kim asked. "The orchard walls are high and hard to climb. If any of my family catches you here, they'll kill you."

"You're cute when you're angry." Ron grinned. "Anyway, I climbed over. And I'm not afraid of your parents. There's more danger in your eyes than twenty of their swords. I mean, with one sweet look from you, I'll be armored against their hate."

"I wouldn't want them to see you here for anything," said Kim.

"Well, of course they won't. Not in the middle of the night." Ron's eye pupils moved left and right. "Unless they've got flashlights..."

"Even in the dark, I'm still blushing," said Kim. "No one was supposed to hear what I just said about you, but I won't take any of it back! Do you really love me? I know you'll say, 'Yes.' I'll take your word for it, yet if you swear, I won't believe you. Just tell me the truth. But if you think I'm too easy, I'll just say 'No.' You may not take my behavior seriously, but I'm not kidding—I'll be more faithful than the girls who play hard to get. I should have been more cool towards you. Because you overheard me talking about my love when I didn't know you were there. Forgive me, and don't think my love is a lightweight thing that you accidentally overheard."

Ron looked at Rufus and said aside to him, "Don't look at me, I don't understand what she was saying. But I'll give it a shot." So he said aloud. "KP darling, I swear by the moon that lights all these tree-tops..."

"No, don't swear by the moon," shouted Kim. "In fact, don't swear at all. But if you want, swear by yourself. I'll believe you."

"With all my heart, KP."

"Well, don't swear tonight; it'd be too fast. Good night." Kim was about to go back inside.

"What, you're leavin' me with nothing?" Ron called.

"What can I give you that guarantees your satisfaction?"

"To say that you love me."

"OK, I admit it! My love's as wide and deep as the sea. It is infinite."

Ron had by now gotten himself lost in his gaze at Kim. "Marry me..." he mumbled.

"What?" Kim asked.

"You heard me! Marry me!" Ron said, much more clearer this time.

Kim just smiled at him.

"I take that as a yes," he responded.

At that point, Witch Hazel called from inside.

"Hang on." Kim turned to call back to Hazel. "I'm coming, good nurse! Be true to me, sweet Stoppable. Wait awhile, I'll be back in a second," she said, walking inside.

Ron turned to his pet again. "Oh man Rufus, I wish I knew whether or not this is one of those stories where we wake up at the end, and it was all a dream. This whole thing seems too good to be true."

Upon returning, Kim said, "Goodnight, my handsome knight. I'll send a messenger to speak to you tomorrow. Tell them where and when we'll get married. I'll leave my riches and follow you out into the world." Upon finishing that statement, she said to herself, "I can't believe I'm acting this dramatic."

"Miss Kim!" Hazel called from inside.

"Coming." Kim addressed Ron again. "If you don't have good intentions, I beg you..."

"Miss Kim! You get your sassafras in here!" Hazel called from inside.

"I'm on my way!" Kim switched between who she was talking to. "...to stop this now, and let me cry."

"I swear on my soul..." Ron prmised.

"A thousand times, good night!" And with that, Kim went back inside.

Ron talked to his rodent again. "Rufus, I can't wait until tomorrow. Love'll find a way, as enthusiastically as students would gladly skip school."

Upon coming out _again_, Kim called out, "Wait, Ron, wait! I can't speak too loud. My parents won't be very happy to hear me talking to a Stoppable."

"It's my love that calls me; how beautiful two people in love sound in the night, like soft music that one listens to," said Ron.

"Uh, Ron?"

"Yes, heart of my heart, light of my life, tip of my perrary?" Ron addressed her.

"Where'd you get those nicknames?"

"Oh, it's just something a friend of mine calls his wife."

"Uh-huh. What time would you like my messenger to come talk to you?"

"Nine sounds good."

"I'm OK with that. Well, you'd better get going. It's almost morning."

"Righto!"

"Goodnight! Leaving you is such sweet sorrow that I will say goodnight until it's morning."

"Sleep well, KP," said Ron. "I'll go see my priest to get his help and tell him what's the sitch."

"I believe that's _my_ phrase." Kim corrected.

0-0-0

So Ron headed off to the church of his spiritual advisor, Friar Tuck. The badger-preacher was giving a monologue about the flowers in his garden when Ron approached him. "Good morning, Friar T," he greeted.

"Good morning," said Tuck. "Uh, why are you here so early? You don't usually wake up this early. Or maybe you haven't even been to bed at all tonight, huh?"

"Yeah, I didn't sleep at all," Ron bragged. "I had an even better rest."

"What? Were you with that Yuri you always talk about?"

"Nope. She's but a memory."

"That's good, but I still don't know what you were doing last night."

"Well, I was at the Possibles' feast," Ron explained, "when I fell in love with someone - and she loved me back. You can help us both. And I don't hold it against you that you serve our enemies."

Tuck looked weirded out. "You aren't making any sense."

"Let me just answer you," Ron made himself clear. "I'm in love with the daughter of Lord Possible, or Mr. Possible, or Dr. Possible, or whatever I should call him. And I want you to marry us."

"Oh my God!" Tuck jumped two feet upwards. "You want me to marry you to your father's enemy's daughter?"

"You complained about me loving Yuri." Ron whimpered.

"Well, that was just a crush; it wasn't love."

"And you told me to forget about love," said Ron as some music sneaked up behind up. "You told me to...

Forget about that gal  
Forget about the way I fell into her eye..."

"Cut that out! Cut that out!" Tuck put a stop to the music. "I didn't meant as in 'get rid of the old one and immediately start a new fling'!"

"Please don't scold me, Friar T." Ron pleaded. "KP and I love each other. Yuri wasn't like that."

"All right all right all right!" Tuck relented. "I'll marry you to her. Maybe it'll bring your families together and stop this whole pointless feud."

"Thank you, Tuck!" Everything was going Ron's way. Or so he thought.

0-0-0

At nine o'clock that day, Roger and Launchpad were still concerned about his disappearance the previous night. "Where the heck is Ron?" Launchpad asked. "I thought he went home last night."

"Nuh-uh. That's what Goofy told me," said Roger.

"Aaaah, that cold-hearted Yuri's probably drivin' him crazy."

"Oh yeah," Roger remembered, "Goofy also told me that Megavolt Possible sent a letter to his house."

"From Megavolt, eh?" Launchpad looked cross. "Must be a challenge."

"Ron's sure to answer it." Roger was sure of it.

"Well, of course he is He can write." Launchpad had taken Roger's statement in the wrong direction.

"No, he'll accept the challenge," rectified Roger. "He doesn't back down from a dare."

"Aw, poor Ron's half dead with love," Launchpad frowned with realization. "How the heck will he face Megavolt?"

"Who _is_ this Megavolt, anyway?" Roger was a bit oblivious to the name.

"Well, he's an old classmate of DW's," Launchpad explained. "His real name's Elmo Sputterspark. From what I hear, he's only playing Lord Possible's nephew for the purposes of this story. He fights with electricity like a musician plays music. He's never been much of a match for DW, but I don't know how he'll handle against Ron."

Roger looked relieved. "If this guy's never won against your friend, he shouldn't be too much against Ron Stoppable!"

"You sure?" Launchpad asked. "DW's a superhero; Ron's more like a sidekick."

At that point, Ron showed up, seeming much happier than he was at the beginning of the story.

"Here comes Ronny now!" Roger stated the obvious.

"Let's find out what's up with him." Launchpad called to his buddy. "Hey, senior RS! You left us yesterday without a warning."

"Sorry guys!" Ron let out his excuse. "I had some business to do somewhere else!"

But before Roger or Launchpad could ask Ron what kind of business he meant, Hazel walked by, accompanied by her servant, Randall Boggs.

Launchpad gasped. "My god, that person's as big as my plane!"

"It's two separate people," corrected Roger.

"Oh. Heh heh," chuckled Launchpad, "I knew that."

"Good morning, sirs." Hazel greeted the three off-the-radar misfits.

"Good afternoon." Launchpad replied.

"Afternoon?"

"Yeah. See, the sluttish hour hand just made its grab for Mr. Twelve." Launchpad pointed toward the big grandfather clock in the background.

"Whatever." Hazel rolled her eyes. "Can any of you tell me where I can find young Ron?"

"I'm him," Ron pointed at himself, "unless you're lookin' for some other Ron."

"That's a good one! I'd like to speak with you, Ron."

"Hear that, Ronny?" Roger winked. "She wants to take you out to dinner!"

"Maybe you'll have chameleons!" Launchpad joked, perhaps referring to Randall's invisibility skills.

"What's with you, LP?" asked Ron.

"Nothin', Ron." Launchpad suddenly started singing. "She's a Tramp... She's a... Oh, skip it. Ron, care to go out for lunch?"

"Yes," Ron answered, "but first the nurse wishes to speak to me in private."

"Suit yourself." Launchpad continued to sing his "She's a Tramp" ditty as he and Roger left the scene.

"I don't think I'm fond of that guy." Hazel commented angrily about Launchpad.

"Well, he's got his own problems." Ron rolled his eyes.

"Well, I'd like to give him a problem myself." Hazel turned her attention to her servant. "Randall! Why must you stand there like an idiot and let every punk insult me?"

"Sorry, boss," groveled Randall. "I thought it was pretty funny myself. Besides, I didn't want to fight him for no reason."

"Well, it doesn't matter anyway! Did Kim Possible send you?" Ron asked Hazel.

"Yes, but I have no idea why she sent for you," she responded to him.

"Well, I'm her boyfriend."

"You're courting her too?" Hazel looked surprise. "My my, just yesterday Mr. Gaston came in requesting for her hand, and now you."

"Ask KP to think of a plan so she can go to confession," Ron directed. "Then we can be married this afternoon in Friar Tuck's church. One of my men will be behind the abbey wall shortly, and he'll bring a rope ladder. It'll let me sneak in tonight so we can make lo... I mean, share our joy. Send my regards to your mistress."

"All right, pal, I understand. Come, Randall." Hazel gestured to her servant.

0-0-0

Back at the Possibles' orchard, Kim was pacing impatiently for her attendant to return. "I sent Hazel to go meet with Ron at nine, and she still hasn't returned! How long does it take to go talk to someone in a stupid marketplace? Why didn't she put her broom to good use?"

At that point, Hazel and Randall returned.

"Oh, there you are," Kim acknowledged them. "It's about time you came back."

"You could've been more patient; I only took three hours to find him." Hazel turned to her slave. "Randall, go wait at the gate."

"I intend to," Randall replied sarcastically, and then reluctantly went to do so.

"So what's the sitch, witch?" Kim avoided laughing at her bad joke.

"Spare me the rhyming jokes," said Hazel. "I'm in no mood for news giving right now."

"But you _must_ tell me!" said Kim. "You're just making that up."

"Lord, I have a bad headache! It feels like it's going to explode." Hazel clutched her head by her hat. "Stop sending me out on errands, or you're going to kill me with all this running around!"

"I'm sorry you're in pain, but just tell me what my love said."

"Look, Kim. From now on, deliver your _own_ messages if I can't find my broom!"

"WHAT DID RON SAY?" an exasperated Kim shouted.

"All right, all right, I'll tell you!" Hazel relented. "Get going to Friar Tuck's place, and exchange vows with Ron there. I need to fetch a ladder so your soon-to-be husband can climb to your room at night. I have to slave to keep you happy, but tonight you'll be doing a different kind of work!"

"Hazel, I like your style!" Kim winked.

0-0-0

Later that afternoon, Ron and Friar Tuck were waiting for Kim at his church. "Well, I hope the lord approves of this marriage, so nothing sad happens," said Tuck.

"Yeah, but whatever tragedies strike, it'll be worth it," Ron commented. "There's nothing greater than being with her. Marry us now, and I can die happy."

"Don't rush your relationship! Take it slow and love long." It was at this point in Tuck's statement that Kim came in. "Ah, here comes the bride! I couldn't resist."

"Evening, Tuck," Kim greeted the priest.

"Look Kim, if you're as happy as I am, maybe you have sweeter words to express it," said Ron sappily. "Bless me with your wonderful words, and describe the joy we'll both have in this marriage."

"True feelings are too deep to describe, Ron," Kim responded. "Only beggars can count up how much they're worth; my love is far too rich to be added up."

"Enough talk!" Tuck silented. "You'll have time to make love after the ceremony."

Kim and Ron smiled at each other as the badger-friar performed the ceremony. But little did they know of the cruel trick fate had in store for them, for things were about to get ugly. And I don't mean "That's disgusting!" ugly.


	3. Act 3

**Darkwing's Introduction**

"I'm back! And this act marks the halfway point. I probably don't need to tell you what happened in the last act, but I'll do it anyway. Ron found out how much she loved him, so he decided that they marry the next day. Friar Tuck at first wasn't keen on this, but he eventually decided to perform their ceremony, in hopes that it would stop their families' pointless feud. Ron then told his marriage plans to Kim's nurse, who then told them to Kim, who then headed off to Tuck's church to become Mrs. Kim Stoppable. Huh. I wonder how her show's theme song would be affected by them actually getting married. I can't get it. But anyway, they had no idea things were going to get ugly, and it wasn't in the context of 'That's disgusting!' And so... Gosalyn! What are you doing? I told you to stay outside!"

"I just needed to tell you that you were a little unoriginal there."

"What, thinking about how Kim Possible's theme song would be affected if she married Ron on the show?"

"No, that comment about things getting ugly."

"What about it?"

"The narrator already said it."

"Really? Well then, he owes me money for using my comment!"

"Actually, _you_ owe _him_ money. He said it first."

"D'oh! Just watch, or read, the next act while I get this little-girl-I've-never-met-before outside..."

* * *

That same afternoon, Roger and Launchpad were with their servants, waiting around at a public street. "P-p-p-p-p-pleeeease, LP, let's just go home," said Roger fearfully. It's hot out and we've got the Possibles to worry about."

"Roger, you're actin' like a barfly preparing to attack a bartender after two beers," Launchpad dismissed.

"R-really?" Roger stammered.

"You could say that."

At that point, Roger caught sight of Megavolt and his servants, Bushroot, Quackerjack, and the Liquidator, coming towards them. "Oh no-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!" he shouted, and jumped around the scenery. "The Possibles are coming! The Possibles are coming!"

"Who cares?" said Launchpad defiantly as Megavolt and his servants approached them.

"Stay back, guys," Megavolt cautioned his men. "I wanna have a little chit-chat with these two."

Bushroot hid behind Liquidator in fear. "Oh, I hope that the rabbit isn't hungry right now..."

"Good day, gentlemen," Megavolt addressed Launchpad and Roger. "I want to talk to one of you."

"Just one of us?" Launchpad stepped forward. "I'm your man, then. But why doncha take a swing at me?"

"Gimmie a chance and I'll do it!" Megavolt taunted.

"Why?"

"You consort with Ronald Stoppable."

"Consort?" Launchpad looked peeved and threw out his fists. "What do you think we are, musicians? I'll give you some music; I'll give you the funeral march!"

"LP, people are watching." Roger shuddered. "P-p-p-p-p-please, couldn't we just take this discussion somewhere private?"

"Let them watch." Launchpad rolled up his sleeves. "I'll handle this rodent."

At that point, Ron showed up, calm and happy after his secret marriage to Kim in the last act.

"Well, chill out," Megavolt said. "There's the servant I'm looking for."

"Hey! Ron will never be your servant." Launchpad was getting ticked off.

"Hey Stoppable!" Megavolt ignored Launchpad's criticism. "You're a weak and stupid baby, you stupid weak baby!"

"Megavolt, I mean no harm to you. I never did. I'm no stupid weak baby, either. Therefore, goodbye. I see that you don't know my relation to you." What Ron meant was that, being married to Kim, Megavolt was now his cousin-in-law, but Megavolt didn't know that.

"That doesn't mean anything," said Megavolt defiantly. "I've been aiming to fight you for a long time!"

"Why should I? I've never done anything to bother you," said Ron, not understanding Megavolt. "I value the Possible name as much as I do my own."

"Ron, you coward! Well, if you won't fight Megavolt, I will!" Launchpad took out a gun. "Make your move, Sparky."

Megavolt growled. "Oh, now _you're_ calling me 'Sparky'?"

"That's right, _Pikachu!_" Launchpad insulted him further.

"Oh, that does it!" Megavolt growled again. "I hate being called Sparky, and I hate being confused with other electric rodents! Bring it on!"

A brawl broke out between the pilot and the electric rodent. Ron tried to stop the battle, but his interception resulted in Megavolt zapping Launchpad under the boy's arm. With that, Megavolt then fled, and Bushroot, Lidquidator, and Quackerjack followed him.

"Ahh! Launchpad!" Ron cried as the pilot dropped to the ground. "I'm sorry I caused you to be harmed like this! Please don't curse us!"

"Why would I wanna do that, little buddy?" asked Launchpad.

"It's what your character in the original story did."

"Aw, c'mon. You know I'd never say that." Launchpad let out his dying breaths.

"Phew. That's good news." Ron watched as Roger and his servant, Dopey, carried the dying Launchpad away. "Damn! Because of me, my friend has been killed and/or mortally wounded. My reputation is stained with Megavolt's insults. Well, he may be my cousin-in-law, but he's not gonna get away with this!" At that point, he saw Megavolt and his boys returning to the scene of the crime. "Megavolt! You take back that "stupid weak baby" insult! You caused me to send Launchpad on an all-expenses-paid dinner date with Elvis. Well, you're gonna pay for that date."

"I'm a little low on cash." Megavolt spouted a cliché line of his. "I'm afraid I'll have to... _ charge_ it!"

"Mulch him!" said Bushroot.

"Slice 'im and dice 'im!" said Liquidator.

"Tickle him and stomp on his feet!" said Quackerjack.

"Oh no." Ron backed away.

Megavolt charged up his electric shots and zapped around. Ron ran as fast as he could, dodging the bolts. As he hid behind a box, he noticed a pail of water nearby. He dove out from behind the box, carrying the pail.

"Drink water, Sparkychu!" Ron threw the pail of water.

Getting drenched by the liquid, Megavolt shorted out. "Auuuuuuuuuuuuuuggghhhh! I've been... percolated..."

Megavolt dropped dead, and Bushroot, Quackerjack, and Liquidator looked at him in shock as Roger pushed Ron away. "P-p-p-p-p-please, Ron! Get going, or you're sure to be executed!"

"Oh man, I'm screwed this time!" Ron made a run for it.

"Uh, uh, should we go after him?" Bushroot asked his fellow servants about Ron. "He killed Megavolt."

"Has your best friend been murdered? Have your valuables been stolen?" Liquidator spoke in his usual lingo. "Let Teamo Supremo take care of it!"

A group of angry citizens looked around at the corpse of Megavolt lying here. "I saw the start of the whole thing," said Lloyd Nebulon. "Where's the bloke who killed Launchpad?"

"There." Roger pointed to Megavolt's drenched corpse.

Then the lords of their respective houses entered, accompanied by their servants.

"What's going on here?" Mick Stoppable demanded to know.

"Oh my god! Someone killed Megavolt!" Lord Possible looked at his nephew's soaked carcass. "That bastard!"

"Well, James Timothy Possible, a wise man once said... Ha ha!" Mick taunted his rival.

Suddenly, who should drop in but...

"_TEAMO SUPREMO!_" the trio introduced themselves again.

"My gosh, you were here quick." Mick complimented.

"Ooooh!" Rope Girl curtsied. "Thanks for the compliment!"

"When we saw electric flashes coming from over here," Captain Crandall explained, "we knew we had to investigate."

"But it looks like we got here _también tarde_." Skate Lad expressed their lateness in his native language.

"Roger Stoppable!" Captain Crandall addressed the rabbit. "Who started this fight?"

"Well, it went like this," Roger explained. "Megavolt started the fight, but my cousin Ron Stoppable took him out. Ron was very polite to him and tried to tell him how silly it was to keep up this feud, and how you guys forbade fighting. Honest! He was very polite the whole time. But Megavolt wouldn't listen, and went after Launchpad. Ron yelled at them to stop fighting, but then Megavolt sneaked a cowardly zap under Ron's arm, and gave LP a fatal wound. Now Ron was hot for revenge. They went to it like madmen, and before _I_ could try to stop it, Megavolt was unplugged. Then Ron took off."

"Nice try, you lying hare!" Lord Possible accused. "You can't fool us Possibles!"

"No! I'm telling the truth!" Roger yelled. "P-p-p-p-p-p-pleeeeease! You gotta believe me!"

"Don't worry, Roger," said Mick, "I believe you."

"Teamo Supremo, do as I say," Lord Possible commanded, not listening to Mick or Roger. "Ron slew Megavolt. Have the lousy brat executed."

"Sorry about that, Mr. Possible," Captain Crandall apologized, "but there's a bit of a problem here. Not only are you not the boss of us, but we believe that Roger's telling the truth. Ron may have killed Megavolt, but Megavolt killed Launchpad first. So who are we supposed to punish here?"

"Well, don't execute Ron, Teamo," said Mick. "Since Megavolt killed Launchpad, Ron did just what you three and the law would've done with him."

"OK, OK, we won't execute him!" Captain Crandall relented.

"But Cap!" said Skate Lad. "He has to be punished somehow!"

"Yeah!" said Rope Girl. "A kill's a kill, no matter what the reason."

"All right. Mr. Stoppable, your son's banished from Middleton," Captain Crandall declared. "We'll only execute him if he comes back."

"Banishment? No, please!" Mick objected. "Just take away his things for a month!"

"Mr. Stoppable, I'm afraid we can't. There's a difference between killing someone and punching them in the nose."

"OK, so that doesn't sound like much of a problem. Minnie and I can still write to him and visit him."

0-0-0

Later that afternoon, Kim, unaware of the events that occurred in the last scene, was impatiently waiting for the night when she could see Ron again. "Hurry up, sun, and set. I married Ron, yet we haven't fulfilled our love. I am his, but not totally. This day's taken so long, like a night before a party. I feel like a child who has a new toy but can't play with it." She had just finished talking to herself when Witch Hazel entered with the rope ladder. Kim noticed that Hazel didn't look very happy. "What's the sitch, Hazel?" she asked, not making any bad jokes this time.

"The sitch is that he... is dead." Hazel answered.

"What! What are you telling me?" Kim wanted her to be more clear. "Has Ron murdered himself or something?"

"I saw his wound with my own two eyes," said Hazel.

"Ahhh!" Kim shouted. "This is a major heartbreak here! I'd like to kill myself and be buried next to Ron."

"I was talking about somebody else. Megavolt was the best friend that I ever had. I never thought I'd live to see him dead!"

"What, my husband and my cousin are _both_ dead?" Kim thought.

"NO!" Hazel made herself clear again. "Just Megavolt is dead. Ron just got banished because he was the killer."

"Ron killed my own cousin? Great. We've only been married a few hours and already problems are rising. Some honeymoon this is!"

"I'll say! I knew he was trouble from the start!" Hazel cursed. "Shame on him!"

"HAZEL! Don't you dare take Ron's name in vain!"

"Why shouldn't I? He killed your cousin!"

"Yeah? Well, how would _you_ like it if _your_ husband was banished because he killed _your_ cousin?"

"I wouldn't like it. But it might be fun..."

"Exactly! This whole news about Ron's banishment is enough to short out twelve thousand Megavolts. Where are my parents?"

"Weeping over Megavolt's corpse."

"Then while they're doing that, _I_ shall be weeping over Ron's banishment."

"Listen. I'll find Ron and have him comfort you," Hazel compromised. "I may happen to know where he may be."

"Wait! While you're at it, give him this ring," Kim handed her nurse the ring in question. "Tell him to come and say his last goodbye."

"Right!"

0-0-0

In the meantime, Ron had been hiding out at Friar Tuck's church. Friar Tuck looked around, and making sure that the coast was clear, signaled to Ron, "Come on out. You're married to catastrophe."

"Has Teamo Supremo given out their sentence yet?" Ron asked. "If so, what is it? Is it as bad as death?"

"Yes, they've given out the sentence, but they're showing mercy," answered Tuck. "They've banished you from Middleton. If you return, you'll be killed."

"Banishment, eh? That wouldn't be so bad... IF IT WEREN'T KEEPING ME APART FROM KIM!" Ron pounded the floor with his hands and whined in an immature manner.

"Oh, for Heaven's sake! You're so ungrateful!" Tuck was embarrassed with what he was seeing. "The law says death, but Teamo Supremo broke it and gave you banishment. That really is mercy, and you should appreciate it."

"That's easy for you to say!" Ron ceased his pounding. "You're not being forced to stay away from where your love lives! Why, if more people were like Kim Possible, there'd be no need for Heaven - we'd already be there."

"Well, let me give you some philosophy." Tuck began to say.

"To heck with philosophy!" Ron continued pouting. "It won't help, unless it can make a Kim, move a town, or change Teamo's sentence."

"Just tell me what happened!"

"Well, see, it was about an hour after you married me and Kim," Ron explained. "I was walking through the streets when her cousin Megavolt picked a fight with me. I didn't want to fight him, since I hadn't done anything to hurt him, and it wouldn't be right to hurt my new cousin-in-law. Then my friend Launchpad began fighting him. I tried to stop it, but it resulted in Megavolt killing Launchpad. Then I got mad. I got so mad, I... pulled the plug on Megavolt."

"Then that explains why you're not being killed. You killed a murderer!" Tuck put his hand to his chin. "But it still doesn't tell me why Teamo has to punish you even though you did what _they_ would have done to Megavolt."

Just then, Hazel entered. "Ah, there you are, Ron. You must have been acting like Kim on this whole banishment thing, weren't you?"

"If she took it like it was worse than death, you're right," Ron replied. "Is she all right?"

"I'm not sure. She keeps crying over you and Megavolt's names." Hazel eyed the other direction.

"I can't believe I've made my own girlfriend/wife cry. Only one thing to do..." Ron took a nearby gun and aimed it at his head.

"Hold it!" Tuck snatched the gun away. "Stop acting like a mama's boy! You're a big coward, Ron. Get up, man, Kim's alive, even though you were ready to kill yourself because of her. Be happy about that. Megavolt tried to kill you, but you killed him - be happy about that! Teamo Supremo could have executed you, but it was reduced to exile. Count your blessings! Good fortune comes to you, but you whine about how it's not fair like some whiny blonde female cartoon character." He turned to Hazel and said, "Give Kim my blessing, and tell her to hurry everyone to bed. Grief should send them to bed early. _Then_ Ron can sneak in."

"Righto! Oh, uh, Ron? Kim told me to give you this." Hazel gave Ron the ring that Kim had handed her at the end of the last scene, and then took off.

"Thanks for that monologue, FT," Ron thanked the priest. "I feel better."

"OK. Now here's the plan." Tuck mapped it out figuratively. "Be out of town before the guards are posted, or go disguised before dawn. Stay in Cape Suzette. I'll find your servant and send him with news from time to time about what is happening here."

"Right!"

0-0-0

Remember that Gaston guy I was telling you about back in Act 1? Well, late that night, he was speaking with Kim's parents.

"Mr. Gaston, things have turned out so badly that we haven't had time to talk to Kim," said Lord Possible. "She loved Megavolt dearly. We all did. But hey, we're all gonna die someday. Anyway, she won't be coming down tonight. If it weren't for you, I'd be in bed already."

"In sad times like these, no one has time for love, not even Gaston!" Gaston flexed his muscles. "You two tell your daughter that... no one says goodnight like Gaston!"

"I'll talk to her about your proposal tomorrow," said Lady Possible. "She's much too upset tonight."

"Mr. Gaston, I'll make a bold offer," Lord Possible offered. "Kim will listen to me. I'm positive she'll love whoever I recommend to her." Turning to his wife, he said, "Dear, before you go to bed, tell her about Gaston's love, and ask her to be ready on next Wednesday... Wait a minute. What day is it?"

"Monday." Gaston answered.

"Monday, huh? Well, Wednesday is too soon, so let it be Thursday." Lord Possible turned to his wife again. "On Thursday, Kim will be married to Gaston. Do you approve of this?" he asked Gaston. "We don't need a huge wedding, just a couple of friends, because if we have a big one, it'll look like we don't care about Megavolt. How's Thursday sound?"

"Sir, no one approves of how long it is till his wedding day like Gaston!" the hunter boasted. "I'd be wishing that Thursday were tomorrow."

"Okay, Thursday it is! My dear, tell Kim, and then go to bed." Lord Possible commanded. "See you later, Gaston. Servants, get a light to my bedroom! It's so late it's early."

0-0-0

But what both Dr. Possibles didn't know was that Kim had spent the night sleeping with Ron. And with daybreak coming, Ron had to get out of there before Teamo Supremo caught sight of him.

Kim tried to convince her love to stay. "Do you have to go now? It's not even day yet."

"Look my love, the streaks of light in the east." Ron pointed. "The sun is rising on the misty mountaintops. I must go away and live, or stay and die."

"Well, you don't have to leave yet."

"Fine, let me stay. Let me be taken and put to death." Ron got sarcastic. "I'm happy, if that's how you want it."

Kim looked out the window. "Oh my god! You're right! Get going!"

At that point, Hazel walked in. "Kim! Your mother wants to talk to you. Get Lover Boy out of here before she shows up!"

"All right," said Kim.

"Catch you later, KP." With one last kiss, Ron jumped down the balcony, assuring Kim that she could count on seeing him again.

It was as soon as Ron had left the orchard that the female Lady Possible came in. "Ah good, Kimmy. You're awake. Something wrong?"

"I'm just grieving over Megavolt's death." Kim said aloud. _Ron's banishment,_ she thought secretly.

"Well, not to worry," Lady Possible assured. That scoundrel Ron will get his sooner or later!"

_I should hope not,_ Kim thought.

"Anyway, here's the so-called sitch. Your father was concerned about your depression. So to relieve you from your sadness, he's arranged for you and Mr. Gaston to get married on Thursday!"

"WHAT!" Kim said aloud. "Mom, you cannot be serious! Mr. Gaston is nothing but a selfish, rude, conceited waste of man. I'd rather marry Ron Stoppable than him!"

That's when her dad came in. "What's going on?"

"She's not very ecstatic about marrying Mr. Gaston," Lady Possible told her husband.

"What! We find her a suitable husband and she rejects him?" Lord Possible glared at his daughter. "Kim! How dare you say bad things about Gaston!"

"Dad! He's a villain! Didn't you read the Complete List of Disney Villains?" Kim held the list up. "Come to think of it, Megavolt was also on that list, so I don't see any reason for us to grieve over his death."

"That doesn't matter! You _will_ marry Gaston, or I shall be forced to shoot you right between the eyes!" Lord Possible threatened. "Well, actually, what I mean is that if you don't go through with this, I'll disown you!"

_Go ahead and disown me,_ Kim thought. _I'd rather be with Ron right now._

"I swear..." Lord Possible walked out, with his wife following him, mumbling something about how much Disney heroines had changed.

"How can I stop this?" Kim asked her nurse. "How can I be faithful to anyone else, unless Ron were to die?"

"Frankly, Kim, I think you ought to..." Hazel started up a song.

"Forget about that guy  
Forget about the way you fell into his eyes  
Forget about his charms  
Forget about the way he held you in his arms  
Walking on air's obno..."

"_So_ not the drama, Haze." Kim put a stop to the music. "Just get to the point."

"Kim, can't you just forget about Ron and go ahead with marrying Mr. Gaston?" Hazel asked. "Ron's a dishrag compared to him. Why, I'd marry him myself if you weren't the one being forced to."

"Hazel... you..." Kim calmed herself down. "...you've made me happy. Go tell mom that I've gone to Friar Tuck's chapel, because I disobeyed dad, to be absolved of my sin."

"Smart move!" Hazel left the room.

As soon as Hazel was out of hearing distance, Kim cursed, "Damn you, old witch! What's worse? Advising me to cheat on my husband, or badmouthing the same Ron you praised thousands of times? I'm afraid it's come to this, Witch Hazel. Only Friar Tuck can help me now. I'll find a way out of this, or die trying..."


	4. Act 4

**Darkwing's Introduction**

"Here I am again, and in case you're wondering, I'm still upset that I didn't get a part in the story. So like I, and the narrator, said before, things were going to get ugly. And they did. Megavolt killed poor Launchpad in the last act, so needless to say, I liked it a lot when I saw Ron get back at that spark maker! Unfortunately, that little act got Ron banished from Middleton, so needless to say, that hurt his marriage to Kim a lot. Not to mention the fact that Gaston has other plans..."

* * *

Later that morning, Gaston had stopped by the church and explained to Friar Tuck that he planned to marry Kim.

"Let me get this straight," said the confused badger. "You want to marry Kimberly Possible on Thursday? Don't you think that's too soon?"

"Hey, I suggested Wednesday, but my soon-to-be father-in-law thought that was too soon, so he moved it to Thursday," said Gaston. "But like I always say, no one waits patiently for his big day like Gaston!"

"Mr. Gaston, you don't know what she thinks." Tuck crossed his arms. "This isn't a good idea."

"Well, I haven't talked about love, as she's been crying over Megavolt's death. Her father thinks it's bad for her to cry so much, and decided to hasten our marriage in order to stop her tears. She thinks of this grief too much alone, so we should proceed with the wedding. Besides, no one judges ideas like Gaston!" Gaston pointed his thumb at his chest.

"Actually, no one has the opinion of Gaston. But _everyone_ should know why this marriage should be slowed." Tuck muttered to himself, then said to Gaston, "Look sir, she's coming right now."

Kim walked in as if on cue. Surprised to see Gaston, she pretended to be in good spirits.

"Ah! Hello, wife!" Gaston welcomed her.

"You can say that when I _am_ a wife," said Kim.

"Well, I _will_ be able to say that after this Thursday." Gaston winked.

"That's indisputable."

"So what brings you here?"

"I'd like to speak to the friar. In privacy."

"Fine. No one leaves women to speak in privacy like Gaston! See you on Thursday, luv!" Gaston made his exit.

Kim had cracked a fake smile during that conversation, but as soon as Gaston was leaving the church, she stuck out her tongue when he wasn't looking. As soon as the door closed, she turned to Friar Tuck and said, "Sheesh! I can't believe Mom and Dad would honestly think that I could possibly like that rude, conceited windbag!"

"Ah, Kim. I know what your problem is," said the Friar. "It pains me too."

"Well, what can I do?" Kim asked. "Kill myself?"

Just then, a lightbulb appeared above Tuck's head. "Wait! I have an idea. But it's as tricky as killing yourself."

"I'd rather jump out of a plane without a parachute than marry Gaston," said Kim. "At this point, I'll try anything to be faithful to Ron."

"Go home happy, and tell your parents you'll gladly marry Gaston. Tomorrow night, go to your room, and make sure that no one else is around. Not even your nurse. When you're in bed, drink this." He took out a vial containing a concoction. "It's a sleeping potion that will take you out of commission for forty-two hours. To everyone, you'll appear dead. Your family will follow their burial customs: you'll be dressed in your best dress and placed on an open platform in the ancient Possible tomb. Meanwhile, I'll write to Ron to let him know the plan. Then he'll come here, and we'll wait for you to wake up. Then he'll immediately take you to Cape Suzette. That'll keep this improper marriage from taking place, if you dare."

Kim took the vial. "It's no big. _So _not the drama, Tuck."

"Okay, get going. I'll send a fellow friar to alert your husband."

"Thank you." Kim ran off with the vial. "Love, don't let me down!"

"Good luck, Kim Possible," said Friar Tuck as she left.

0-0-0

Back at the House of Possible, Kim's folks and Witch Hazel were making arrangements for the wedding that would be held in just two days.

"Yes, yes, we'll be inviting just these people." Lord Possible handed an invitation list to Pretty Boy, who then flew off with it. "Mr. Jolly! Go hire twenty cooks."

"Mmmm, do not worry, sir," smiled Mr. Jolly. "I test them by seeing if they can lick their fingers."

"How will _ that_ show if they're good?" Lord Possible didn't understand.

"Mr. Possible, if the man isn't afraid to lick his fingers, then he's a cook." Mr. Jolly stretched.

"Then get going. Aah, we'll never be ready in time," Lord Possible muttered. "Is my daughter at the church with Friar Tuck?"

"Yes," Witch Hazel answered.

"Good. Maybe he'll talk some sense into her," said Lord Possible. "She's being such a little snob."

As Mr. Jolly was heading off to find the cooks, Kim returned from Tuck's church.

"Ooh, here she comes!" said Hazel. "And she looks happy."

"Kim!" Lord Possible came up to her. "As you would say, my stubborn daughter, 'what's the sitch?'"

"I... just got back from confession, and I feel cleansed. Friar T advised me to beg your forgiveness." Kim crossed her fingers behind her. "I'm so sorry to disobey you. From now on, I'll always listen to you, daddy. Umm... I saw Mr. Gaston at the church and gave what love I could to him."

"Oh, good!" Lord Possible called out, "Leonard! Find Mr. Gaston and tell him that the wedding's been moved to tomorrow as he originally wanted!"

Kim bit her lip. "Um... okay. Hazel, help me get ready for tomorrow."

Hazel followed Kim up to her room, but the female Possible reigning title was unsure about this. "Tomorrow? I thought the wedding was scheduled for Thursday."

"Kim's change of heart propelled me to change the date," Lord Possible replied.

"But we won't have everything ready tomorrow." Kim's mom was hesitant.

"Don't worry, dear. Just make sure Kimmy is prepared. I'm not going to bed tonight; let me play the housewife this time. Leonard!" Lord Possible called out again, but didn't get any replies. "Leonard? Scott? Mr. Jolly? Pretty Boy?"

"You sent them all out, remember?" Lady Possible reminded.

"Oh. Well, I'll go see Mr. Gaston myself to help him get ready for tomorrow," Lord Possible decided. "I feel so much better, now that my daughter has come to her senses."

0-0-0

Upstairs, Hazel had been helping Kim prepare her clothing for the wedding. "Look, Haze," said Kim, "I like that last number best, but please, I'd like to sleep alone tonight."

"You really don't need me in the room tonight? You really _are_ maturing." Hazel backed away. "Well, if it's what you want, it's fine by me."

Before Hazel could leave, Lady Possible came in. "Need any help?"

"No mom, we have everything under control," said Kim. "Please, I need some time alone. Let Hazel stay with you tonight and help you. I'm sure you have your hands full with this sudden wedding."

"OK. Goodnight, dear." Lady Possible left the room, with Hazel following close behind, leaving the auburn-haired teenager all to herself.

"Oh man, what do I do with this potion? I'm scared to death already! I could call Hazel back in for help, but what could she do? No, I need to do this myself. But what if this doesn't work? Will I be married to Gaston tomorrow? _This_ will make sure of it." Kim laid down her own gun. "Wait a minute... What if it's really poison and Tuck's trying to kill me so he won't break the law by marrying me to two people? What if it _isn't_ poison and I wake up before Ron shows up? What if I wake up early and go crazy? And... why am I talking to myself? Why am I even doubting myself! I'm Kim Possible! I'm not afraid of anything! Love, don't fail me now!"

Without a second thought, Kim gulped down the deep sleep-inducing liquid, and in less than thirty seconds, she had collapsed onto her bed.

0-0-0

On the other side of Middleton, Friar Tuck called up the aforementioned messenger, whose name was Kronk. "Evening, Friar Tuck," said Kronk. "What'd you call me for?"

"Friar Kronk! I have an assignment for you," assigned Tuck. "Earlier this week, I married Ronald Stoppable to Kimberly Possible, even with the ongoing feud between their families. But now there's a bit of heat that's keeping the two separated, and Kim's family is making her marry someone she doesn't like."

"So uh, how do _I_ fit into that story?" Kronk asked.

"I've given Kim a sleeping potion that'll convince everyone that she's dead. While she's out, I want you to deliver this to Ron." Tuck handed a letter to Kronk. "It'll tell him of the plan."

"Gotcha!" Kronk was about to leave, when he suddenly stopped and turned around. "Uhhh... where exactly do I find this Ron guy?"

"Ooh!" Tuck slapped his forehead. "He's living in exile over in Cape Suzette."

"Gotcha! But what about dinner?

"This is a little urgent, Kronk."

"Just dessert, then?"

"Well, maybe there's time for dessert, maybe there isn't."

"A cup of coffee?"

"All right! A quick cup of coffee. _Then_ deliver the message to Ron!" Tuck shouted.

0-0-0

Early the next morning, the rest of the family was still preparing for the wedding. "Hurry and start preparing the feast; it's already 6:45 AM!" Lord Possible was shouting. "Hazel! Take care of the food; I don't care how much it costs."

"Mrs. Possible, why don't you go sleep in for the day?" Hazel asked. "You're going to be sick from staying up all night."

"Don't be silly." Lady Possible guffawed. "I've had patients with all-nighters before."

"You're such a jealous woman." Lord Possible commented. Behind him, Leonard, Scott, Mr. Jolly, and Pretty Boy walked up, with spits, logs, and baskets for the feast. "What do you have there?" he asked.

"Things for the cook, sir," said Leonard. "But I don't know what they are."

"Mr. Possible, I'm sure I can find the logs," said Scott. "I'm not stupid. Don't bother Randall."

"Very well said, you little rascal." Lord Possible giggled.

Outside the House of Possible, Gaston addressed his harem of followers. "I'd like to thank you all for coming to my wedding. But first, I better go in there and... get the girl moving! Now, LeFou. When Kim and I come out that door..."

"Oh I know, I know! I'll strike up the band!" LeFou started directing a band to play the wedding march.

Gaston slammed a baritone over his head, leaving his lips sticking out of the mouthpiece. "Not yet!"

LeFou stuck his tongue out of the hole. "Sorry."

"Hmmmm..." Gaston asked himself. "Haven't I done this before?"

Inside, Lord Possible overheard the band. "That music! That must be Gaston now! Hazel! Go wake up Kim and doll her up while I chat with my soon-to-be son-in-law."

Without warning, Hazel went upstairs and into Kim's room. "Kimmy! Wake up, Kimmy! Or someone's gonna be late for her own wedding! C'mon, get up. I'll bet that tonight Mr. Gaston has some plans that don't involve letting you rest!" Not hearing any reply, Hazel opened the bed curtain and stared at Kim's lifeless body. "Oh... my hat! Kim Possible!"

That's when Kim's mom came in. "What's going on in here? Isn't Kim awake yet?" It was at that point that she saw the apparent dead body of her daughter. "Oh, gracious! Has she been...?"

"Yes, after breakfast," Hazel answered.

Then Kim's dad walked in, accompanied by the servants. "For shame on you, Kim! Get out of bed; your groom's arrived! You don't want to miss your own nuptials."

"I'm afraid our daughter won't be attending her own wedding," Lady Possible responded.

"What the...?" Lord Possible suddenly noticed his daughter's seemingly lifeless carcass. "Good lord! Has she been...?"

"Yes, after breakfast," Lady Possible answered.

"Oh..." Lord Possible moped. "I was hoping to play with my own grandchildren."

Suddenly, a cloud of smoke formed on the windowsill, and a voice came from it. "I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the explosive pimple that won't go away! I... am _Darkwiiiiing Duck!_"

"What are you doing here?" Lord Possible asked the masked duck on their windowsill. "I thought you weren't appearing in this story."

"I wasn't," said Darkwing Duck. "So I decided to put myself into it."

"How?"

"Simple. I talked fellow Toon Bonkers D. Bobcat into letting me have his role," Darkwing bragged. "I'm working as Teamo Supremo's chief watchman."

"You're _helping_ other superheroes take your spotlight?"

"Nope, nope, nope," Darkwing shook his head. "I didn't tell them it's just for this story. Well, take care. I must go," he said, sniffing the air. "The scent of crime is in the air!" Before either of the Dr. Possibles or Hazel could says "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious", the daring Darkwing Duck had made his dramatic exit.

"Well, _that_ was unnecessary," commented Lord Possible.

Then Gaston and his musicians walked in, with Friar Tuck following him. Tuck spoke as if reading a cue card.

"All right, all right," said Friar Tuck. "Is the bride ready to go to church?"

"Oh, she's ready to go, all right," answered Lord Possible, "but she's not returning. Look!"

Gaston looked at Kim's motionless cadaver. "Good lord! Has she been...?"

"Yes, after breakfast." Kim's parents said, in unison.

"I guess Megavolt's death was too much for her to take," Kim's father said by himself.

"I wait a whole day for this, and a dead body's all I get?" Gaston was quite peeved.

"Mr. Gaston, I'm sorry for the inconvenience this has caused you." Lord Possible apologized.

"Oh, come on! Think in a different way of this tragedy," Tuck suggested. "Heaven's always had a part of Kim; now it has it all."

Lord Possible sighed. "I guess today's wedding is being shelved for a funeral."

"Let's just get her to the church and mourn her with respect," commanded Tuck.

Lord Possible picked up his daughter's body and carried her out of the room, past Gaston's musicians and Randall. The other Dr. Possible, Gaston, and Tuck followed.

"Well, I guess we'll be going now," said LeFou.

"Yes," Hazel agreed. "This is indeed a sad case."

"Well then, we'll just have to repair it," said LeFou stupidly.

Hazel followed her master and mistress out of the room, leaving Randall with the musicians and the rest of the servants. "Musicians?" he asked. "Please play 'Heart's Ease'."

"Why?" LeFou asked.

"'Cause right now my heart's playing 'Tears in Heaven'." Randall moped. "I want some merry music."

"No no no! No cheerful tunes - not at this time."

"What! You lousy minstrel! How dare you insult the great Randall Boggs!" Randall's right eye twitched.

"I'm a lousy minstrel, huh? Look who's talking! I'm not a crummy servant who got banished from his hometown by a big blue teddy bear and his one-eyed basketball-shaped friend!"

"Don't even mention those guys! I'll give you a 'do-re-mi' you won't soon forget."

"If you "do-re-mi" us, you must be "note"-icing us."

"Fellas! Fellas!" Scott interrupted their tiff. "Put away your guns and drop these insults. What if Teamo Supremo caught ya doin' this?"

"Stay out of this, dog-face!" Randall shouted at the humanoid dog and continued to assault LeFou. "Listen here, _LeFool_! Music has a silver sound because musicians will never have any gold in their pockets. The "silver sound" is about all you'll ever get out of it."

Scott grabbed Randall by the shoulders and dragged him away. "Mr. Fou, I'm sorry for Randall's outburst. For a monster with so many fangirls, he gets upset pretty easily."

"You got that right," said LeFou as Scott carried Randall out of the room. "To hell with him, guys. Let's just hang around till the mourners arrive. Maybe we'll get a free dinner!"


	5. Act 5

**Darkwing's Introduction**

"Now if my calculations are correct, I should be facing... the readers. Sorry, but I don't have time to recap the last chapter. You're on your own; you'll have to read it yourself. I'm off."

* * *

During that last chapter, ol' Ron Stoppable had been making himself at home in a cabin over in Cape Suzette, where he was living in exile. Fortunately, he wasn't living in exile alone. To be more exact, he still had Rufus with him. Ron had just woken up from a sound sleep when Rufus tugged at his shirt, squeaking as if asking why he was humming some music.

"Oh, nothing, Rufus. I just had a dream where I died and Kim's kiss brought me back to life. She's been on my mind ever since I left Middleton!" Ron answered, breaking down in sobs. "I miss Kim!"

Rufus showed another look of disgust.

Ron suddenly heard the panting of a tired dogface. He smiled when he answered to "Goofy! My main man! My pal! My dog."

"Hey!" Goofy objected. "I'm nobody's pet!"

"I didn't mean that literally."

"Oh! Gawrsh! Sorry." Goofy apologized for his little outburst.

"So what's the sitch over in Middleton?" Ron asked. "Do you have a message from Friar Tuck? Is Mick - er, dad doing all right? How's Kim? Everything's all right as long as she is."

"Hu-yuk!" Goofy guffawed. "Then I guess everything's _not_ all right. Your ladyfriend is pushin' up daisies."

"Really?"

"Hu-yuk! Yeah." Goofy guffawed again. "I saw the Possibles bring her to the tomb. Although how I know you're in love with this girl, I don't know. I mean, the only way I'd know would be if yuh told me. But yuh didn't, so I guess..."

While Goofy was talking to himself, Ron walked away. "Oh man, Rufus! This is bad! KP's dead. And if KP's dead, then I suppose there's no reason for me to go on. To that ragged drugstore over there!" He approached the nearby sorry excuse for a drugstore and called to the owner, "Hey! Mr. Pharmacist!"

The orangutan running the stand came up to him. "The name's Louie, scat cat. Currr-razy. So what can I get for you?"

"I need a bottle of strong poison, please," requested Ron.

"Oh, I got that stuff right here." Louie placed a vial of poison on the counter.

"That's not Extract of Llama, is it?" Ron asked.

"No, of course not." Louie flipped up the label. "See? But it's against Cape Suzette's law to sell this kinda stuff."

Ron pulled on Louie's Hawaiian shirt. "Listen to me, Mr. I-Wanna-Be-Like-You! I'm willing to pay whatever it takes, see?" he said, dropping $50 on the counter. "Take it or leave it!"

"Well, if you're sure about this, OK," relented Louie. "But don't come cryin' to me when you're dead, 'cause you won't be able to."

Having purchased the poison, Ron walked back over to Goofy, who was still trying to figure out how he knew about Kim & Ron's relationship. "Hmmmmm... or maybe it was one of the Gummi Bears who told me," Goofy tried to deduce. "Or was it those four kids in Southern California? No, no... I know! It was Molt the Grasshopper, of PT Flea's circus! Hu-yuk!"

"Stop recallin' and start applaudin', Goof!" Ron interrupted. "There's about to be an applause-cuing scene. To Middleton!"

"No no, Ron," Goofy denied. "You're not allowed in Middleton. Remember what Cap'n Crandall ordered? You're gonna be pushin' up daisies yerself if yuh set foot back home."

"Exactly!" Ron signalled a dramatic chord. "So where's your car?"

"What makes you think I came here by car?"

"There's one right behind you." Negating why he asked, Ron pointed to Goofy's car.

"Ooh. Gawrsh!" said Goofy.

0-0-0

Back in Middleton, Friar Tuck was pacing around in his church, waiting for Friar Kronk to return. Eventually, the door opened, and in came Friar Kronk.

"Ah, Friar Kronk!" Tuck greeted him. "You're back. Did you deliver the message?"

"Well, it's not as delivered as we would've hoped," Kronk admitted.

"Eh?"

"I, uh, had a conversation with my shoulder angel and devil about this before I could get going," Kronk explained. "And when I did, there was a big traffic slowdown between Duckburg and St. Canard."

"What?" Tuck pulled on Kronk's robe. "Well, if you didn't bring him the message, then who did!"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhh... nobody. Here it is." Kronk pulled out the message.

"Oh, holy crap!" yelled Tuck. "I knew I should've sent Ron the letter over the Internet. Fetch me a crowbar!"

"O-kay!"

"Kim Possible will be awake in three hours," Tuck said to himself. "I'll have to go get her myself and keep a hold of her until I can contact Ron again."

0-0-0

That night, Gaston and LeFou showed up in the Possible family's tomb where Kim's body was laid down in a coffin, like Snow White. LeFou was bearing flowers and a torch.

"LeFou!" Gaston commanded. "Put out the torch and give me the flowers. Hide over there and whistle to me if anyone shows up."

"Righto, Gaston!" LeFou followed the orders and hid under some trees near the entrance.

Gaston walked over to Kim's lifeless body, the flowers in hand, used his pickaxe to open the coffin, and began to serenade her. Suddenly, LeFou, seeing someone coming in the distance, whistled to his commander.

"What? Dooh. No one interrupts Gaston and gets away with it! Coming, LeFou!" Gaston ran and hid under the trees with LeFou.

The someone whom LeFou saw coming was Ron and Rufus, with Goofy following. The Goof was bearing a torch, an axe, and a crowbar. Ron took the things from his servant and handed him a letter.

"Give this to Father Mick," Ron commanded. "I'm going in to get one last look at the love of my life. But please don't trouble me! And one more thing. Take care of yourself. Tell Roger and my family I'm sorry."

"OK, Ron," said Goofy aloud. _But he doesn't I can't watch 'im!_ he thought.

Goofy hid out of Ron's seeing distance as Ron looked over at the coffin. Noticing that it was somehow already open, he tossed the axe away.

As Ron and his nude mole rat looked over the body of his beloved, Gaston peeked at them. "Wait a minute... it's that blasted Stoppable who murdered Megavolt! _That_ must be the reason my Kim is dead! Stay here, LeFou. _I'll_ take care of him." He stepped out of his hiding place and shouted, "Hold that pose, Stoppable scum!"

"Hey! Who the hell are you?" Ron asked.

"Who am I? Who am I? Whyyyyyyyyyyy..." Gaston signaled to LeFou and some background singers, who began to burst out in Gaston's theme song.

"Gosh, it disturbs me you don't know this guy," LeFou sang,  
"Considering his position.  
Every guy here wants to be just like him,  
Even some guys from London.  
There's no man in town as admired as him,  
He's everyone's favorite guy!  
Everyone's awed and inspired by him,  
And it's not very hard to see why!

No one's... slick as Gaston,  
No one's quick as Gaston,  
No one's next as incredibly thick as Gaston  
For there's no man in town half as manly  
Perfect, a pure paragon!  
You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Stanley  
And they'll tell you whose team they'd prefer to be on!"

"No one's been like Gaston, a king-pin like Gaston," all the singers joined in.  
"No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston." LeFou fiddled with his boss' chin.  
"As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!" sang Gaston.  
"My, what a guy that Gaston!" sang the singers.  
"Give five hurrahs, give twelve hip-hips..."  
"Gaston is the best and the rest is all drips!" LeFou shook some beer without warning.

The background singers continued. "No one fights like Gaston, Douses lights like Gaston   
In a wrestling match, nobody bites like Gaston   
For there's no one as burly and brawny."   
Gaston lifted them above his head. "As you see I've got biceps to spare!"   
LeFou jiggled himself. "Not a bit of him scraggly or scrawny."  
"That's right!" Gaston dropped his men on LeFou and tore his shirt open. "And every last inch of me's covered with hair!"

"No one hits like Gaston,  
Matches wits like Gaston," sang the singers,  
"In a spitting match, nobody spits like Gaston!"  
"I'm especially good at expectorating!" Gaston spat. "'Tooey!"  
"Ten points for Gaston!" the singers put up signs.

"When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs  
Every morning to help me get large!" Gaston revealed.  
"And now that I'm grown, I eat five dozen eggs  
So I'm roughly the size of a barge!"

"No one... shoots like Gaston,  
Makes those beauts like Gaston," the singers contributed.  
"Then goes tromping 'round wearing boots like Gaston!" LeFou added.  
"I use antlers in all of my decorating!" Gaston held up a deer-head trophy.

"Say it again!" the singers went on.  
"Who's a man among men?  
And then say it once more  
Who's the hero next door?  
Who's a super success?  
Don't you know? Can't you guess?  
Ask his fans and his five hangers-on  
There's just one guy in town who's got all of it doooooowwn..."  
"And his name's G-A-S... T..." LeFou fumbled with his spelling.  
"G-A-S-T... E...  
G-A-S-T-O... oh-ow!"

"GASTON!" Gaston, LeFou, and all the singers stood up for a big finish as the song ended.

Ron and Rufus looked unimpressed. "Oh, that was just pointless," said Ron.

"What!" Gaston looked angry.

"That song was a lengthy, pointless way of introducing yourself," Ron reviewed. "It sounded more like something you'd sing if you were plotting against someone. And I don't believe that part about the eggs at all."

"You doggone stubborn little...! No one insults Gaston's theme song... and lives! Say goodbye to the world, boy!" Gaston took out the dagger that he had stabbed Beast with.

Gasping, Ron took out the gun he had bought for $29.95 in Cape Suzette. Making a lucky shot with that gun, the badly-aimed bullet knocked Gaston's dagger away.

"Oh crap! That was my only dagger. All right, Ronald Stoppable, it's time to get down to basics!" Not bothering to go get his dagger, Gaston took out his rifle.

"OK, lawbreaker. To infinity and beyond!" Ron struck a pose. "I mean, bring it on!"

LeFou watched from afar as his master and the clumsy teenager broke out in fighting. "Uh-oh, a fight! I'd better alert Teamo Supremo's watchmen!"

The fight went on for quite some time, until finally, a bullet from Ron's gun lodged itself right in Gaston's chest.

"Oh no, I'm dead meat! No more song-and-dance numbers for me!" Gaston fell on his back. "Have mercy, Ronald... lay me with Kimberly..." And with one final breath, he was dead.

Ron looked at his fallen rival. "Hold on... Rufus, this is the guy Witch Hazel told me was supposed to marry KP! I guess I'll have mercy on him." And so, Ron dragged the muscular corpse that was once Gaston over to where Kim lay. Looking over the coffin, Ron noticed the grave next to hers. It was that of Elmo "Megavolt" Possible. "Megavolt... What better favor can I do for you then killing myself? Forgive me... cousin-in-law..." He walked back over to Kim's coffin and loomed over her still form. "KP... Even though you're gone, you're still the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on. I wish I could've saved you from this. But I'll be there for you in Heaven..."

And with that, Ron uncorked the bottle of poison that he had bought from Louie and drank the death-causing liquid. After one last lip-lock with his love, Ronald Stoppable was dead.

Outside the tomb, Friar Tuck entered with a crowbar under his tunic. "I have to hurry soon; Kim's sleeping time is almost up."

"Hey! Friar T!" Goofy called out. "Stop!"

"Goofy!" Tuck noticed the clumsy servant. "What are you doing here?"

"I came here with the late Ron Stoppable," Goofy answered.

"The _late_ Ron Stoppable?"

"Yes, Friar Tuck. He just drank a poison," Goofy pointed. "I just saw it m'self."

"Oh Christ!" Tuck yelled again.

Just then, Kim woke up. "Well, that was a relaxing forty-two winks." She looked around. "Friar T! Where's my husband? I remember where I am, but where's Ron?"

"Uh, Kim, I'm afraid we'll have to get out of here right now," Tuck rolled his eyes around. "Teamo Supremo will be really upset if they see a nice girl like you in a place like this."

"But what about..." As Tuck scrammed from the tomb, Kim then noticed the dead bodies of her egotistical suitor and her boyfriend. "No! Ron!" she cried. "What's this? A bottle in his hand? ...Now I see; he's drank some poison. Well, if he was going to kill himself with it, he could've at least left some for me! Maybe there's still some on your lips..." And so she kissed Ron's lips, but got no response. "No no, that's not gonna work; they're too warm." Not far away, she could hear watchmen Darkwing Duck and Bonkers D. Bobcat talking. "Oh, so not the drama! I'll just do this the quick way!" Snatching Ron's gun, she aimed it at herself and shot. With the bullet in her breasts, Kimberly Ann Possible was dead. She dropped onto the body of her deceased husband.

Hearing the gunshot, Darkwing Duck ran up. "I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the... Oh, great. I always arrive too late."

Just then, Bonkers D. Bobcat walked up, dragging behind LeFou and Friar Tuck. "Bonkers: Mr. Mallard! I found these two blokes!"

"Keep them here," Darkwing commanded. "Alert Teamo Supremo, and alert the Possibles and Stoppables as well."

As Bonkers was off alerting the specified persons, Darkwing Duck tried to interrogate the badger and the dog, but had no luck, when suddenly...

"_TEAMO SUPREMO!_" the trio introduced themselves again.

"Bonkers!" Darkwing yelled at his similarly-voiced companion. "I didn't specify that Teamo enter the way they always do."

"Sorry chief," Bonkers apologized, "but their transformation's so cool to watch!"

"Chief Watchman Darkwing!" Captain Crandall addressed him. "What did you send Bonkers to wake all of us for?"

Then both Dr. Possibles made their entrance, accompanied by Witch Hazel. "What is all this commotion?" Lord Possible asked. "Why is Gaston lying there?"

"I don't think Mr. Gaston will be going anywhere," said Darkwing. "And I don't think your daughter or Ronald Stoppable will be going anywhere either. But I _do _think this badger and this dogface here can explain it all, Mr. Possible."

"In-deed!" Captain Crandall agreed.

"Why is my dead, deceased daughter collapsed with that gun in her hand?" Lord Possible asked.

"Go ahead, Friar Tuck," urged Darkwing. "Explain."

Suddenly, Roger Stoppable appeared, accompanied by his so-called uncle, Mick.

"Mr. Stoppable!" Captain Crandall decreed. "I think you and your nephew are up too early. Your son's dead too early too."

"What? Ron's died? Aw no!" Mick slapped himself. "Minnie had a heart attack when she found out he was banished. Who knows what'll happen when she finds out he's bit the big cheese!"

"Patience, Mr. Stoppable!" said Captain Crandall. "I think Friar Tuck here was about to explain what has happened. Go ahead."

"Well, it's like this." Tuck broke out the story. "Ronald Stoppable is Kim's husband. Kimberly Ann Possible is Ron's wife. I married them in secrecy. But shortly after their wedding, Kim's cousin Megavolt killed Ron's friend, Launchpad McQuack."

"Ha! Y'see, Dr. Possibles?" Roger said in an almost-taunting fashion. "I _was_ tellin' the truth back there! You should never doubt an honest rabbit!"

"Let me go on!" Tuck yelled. "So, in a fit of red haze, Ron bit back by killing Megavolt. Kim was really grieving for Ron being banished, not for Megavolt being dead."

"It's true," said Hazel.

"Worried over his daughter," Tuck continued, "Mr. Possible arranged for Kim to marry Gaston. Kim came to me for help. I gave her a sleeping potion, which would make her appear to be dead for 42 hours."

"She wasn't _ really_ dead?" Lord Possible was flabbergasted.

"Yes, Timothy, she wasn't really dead," said an annoyed Tuck, addressing Kim's dad by his first name. "I sent a letter to Ron, telling him to come tonight to help wake her and take her from this tomb when the potion wore off. But Friar Kronk, who carried the letter, was stopped by accident, and was unable to spread the word. So I came by myself to get her out of this crypt. I had planned to keep her hidden at my house until I could get another way of delivering the message to Ron. But when I came, I found Gaston and Ron dead. Then Kim woke up, and I told her to come out of here with me. But I guess she instead decided to kill herself for real. I know all these facts, and Kim's servant, Witch Hazel, can testify to the marriage."

"It's true." Hazel said again.

"If I'm at any fault for this," said the holy badger, "so be it."

"No hard feelings, Friar Tuck. Skate Lad, Rope Girl, and I know you're a holy man, er, badger." Captain Crandall turned to Goofy. "But what about you, Mr. George Geef?" he said.

"Well, I'm the one who told Ron that his gal-pal was dead. I think it was Molt of PT Flea's circus who told me that they were dating. Anyway, Ron told me to give this letter to Mickey, and then he just killed himself." Goofy handed the letter to Teamo.

"Hey, he's right," said Captain Crandall, upon reading the letter. "This letter _is_ from Ron to Mickey."

"And it's about him giving his regards to his family," said Skate Lad.

"Ooo-ooh!" Rope Girl put up her arms. "An' he even included his signature!"

"In-deed. But what about Gaston?" Captain Crandall addressed the late hunter's sidekick. "What part was your master playing in this, _Mr. The-Fool_?"

"Gaston had come to pay his respects to Kim," LeFou confessed. "Then Ron came in after him. I ran off when I heard them fighting."

"In-deed." Captain Crandall showed the letter to Mick. "Mr. Stoppable, this letter from your late son proves that what the friar just said is true. It mentions his marriage to Kim and how he planned to kill himself with the poison he bought at Louie the Ape's drugstore."

There was a bitter silence in there for a while.

Finally, Captain Crandall broke the silence. "Stoppables! Possibles! See what your feuding has done? Because of your hatred and grudges, Heaven has punished you by destroying your pride and joys. And Skate Lad, Rope Girl, and I have been punished for this too. For ignoring your feud, we've suffered the loss of our dear friends Launchpad and Gaston. We all lost. This may be a Disney fanfic, but today, there is no happy ending."

"Capt. Crandall, I now understand what the effects of the power of hate." Lord Possible faced his longtime nemesis. "Mick Stoppable, I apologize for your son's death."

"I'm sorry for your daughter's passing," apologized Mick. "In honor of her, I'll build a statue of Kimberly Possible, out of pure gold, symbolizing her pure and true heart."

"I too will do the same for Ronald Stoppable," declared Lord Possible, "standing it right next to hers."

So as never more was there a story of more tragedy than that of  
RONALD "RON-MEO" STOPPABLE  
and  
KIMBERLY ANN "KIM-IET" POSSIBLE.

* * *

**Roneo and Kimet:  
A Romeo and Juliet Parody**

Written, produced, and edited by:  
Nintendo Maximus

Moral of the story (Choose one):_  
_1. 'Tis better to have known love and lost it than to have never loved at all.  
2. Never buy poison from an orangutan after hearing your girlfriend is dead - chances are she may not really be dead.  
3. Watch where you point your sword (or guns, in this case).  
4. Roger Rabbit and Darkwing Duck need to make comebacks.  
5. "Mickey's House of Villains" sucked.

Cast of Who Played Who:_  
_ Drake "Darkwing Duck" Mallard as The Narrator and the Chief Watchman  
Jim Possible as Himself (Sampson)  
Tim Possible as Himself (Gregory)  
Donald Fauntleroy Duck as Himself (Abram)  
George "Goofy" Geef as Himself (Balthasar)  
Roger Rabbit as Roger Stoppable (Benvolio Montague)  
Elmo "Megavolt" Sputterspark as Elmo "Megavolt" Possible (Tybalt Capulet)  
(Mr.) Dr. James Timothy Possible as Lord James Timothy Possible (Lord Capulet)  
(Mrs.) Dr. Possible as Lady Possible (Lady Capulet)  
Mickey Mouse as Lord Mick Stoppable (Lord Montague)  
Minnie Mouse as Lady Min Stoppable (Lady Montague)  
"Captain" Crandall as Himself (Prince Escalus)  
Hector "Skate Lad" Corrio as Himself (One of Prince Escalus' Attendants)  
Brenda "Rope Girl" as Herself (Another of Prince Escalus' Attendants)  
Ronald "Ron" Stoppable as Himself (Romeo Montague)  
Gaston as Himself (Count Paris)  
LeFou as Himself (Count Paris' Page)  
Crumford Lorak as An Illiterate Possible Servant (An Unnamed Illiterate Capulet Servant)  
Witch Hazel as Herself (Angelica the Nurse)  
Kimberly Ann Possible as Herself (Juliet Capulet)  
Launchpad McQuack as Himself (Mercutio)  
Mistopher J Jolly Puddingpuss as Himself (An Unnamed Capulet Servingman)  
Pretty Boy as Himself (Another Unnamed Capulet Servingman)  
Leonard Amadeus Helperman as Himself (Anthony)  
Spot "Scott Leadready II" Helperman as Scott Leadready II (Potpan)  
Yuri as Herself (Rosaline)  
Friar Tuck as Himself (Friar Laurence)  
Randall Boggs as Himself (Peter)  
Dopey as Himself (A Nonspeaking Montague Servant)  
Kronk as Friar Kronk (Friar John)  
Louie the Ape as Louie the Drug Dealer (An Apothecary)  
Bonkers D. Bobcat as the Second Watchman

Soundtrack not available anywhere.

Any resemblance between any persons living, dead, or undead is purely coincidental.

Every character in this fanfic is owned by Disney. No money is being made off of this story.


End file.
